Are Breakups More Common Today Than in the Past?

Authored by La Jolla Vitality Co.

It can certainly feel that way.

Dating apps, ghosting, situationships, social media, and the seemingly endless availability of new potential partners have transformed modern dating. Relationships can begin with a swipe and sometimes end with a disappearing message, or no message at all.

This raises an interesting question:

Are people actually breaking up more often today than they did in the past?

The answer is more complicated than it might seem.

The short version is not necessarily. Some forms of relationship instability have increased, while others have declined. More importantly, the way people form, define, and end relationships has changed substantially, making today's breakups look different from those of previous generations.

The First Problem: We Don't Have a Great Historical Measure of "Breakups"

There is an important distinction between marital dissolution and romantic breakups.

For marriages, researchers have decades of relatively systematic data on separations and divorces.

For dating relationships, the picture is much less precise.

There is no national database recording every time two people who dated for six months decided to separate.

That makes it difficult to say scientifically that Americans today experience "X% more breakups" than people did 30, 50, or 70 years ago.

And comparing generations can be misleading because relationships themselves have changed.

Today, many relationships that previous generations might have transitioned relatively quickly into marriage may instead remain dating relationships or cohabiting relationships for years.

Divorce Doesn't Support the Idea That Relationships Are Simply Becoming Less Stable

If we use divorce as one measurable indicator of relationship dissolution, the story is surprisingly counterintuitive.

The U.S. divorce rate peaked around 1980 and has generally declined since then. Pew Research Center's analysis of federal data found that the refined divorce rate fell from 22.6 divorces per 1,000 married women in 1980 to 14.4 in 2023.

So if the question is:

"Are marriages breaking up more often today than they did several decades ago?"

the answer is generally no.

Marriage dissolution is actually lower than it was during the late 20th century.

But that doesn't mean modern relationships are necessarily more stable.

It means that marriage and dating behavior have changed.

People Are Getting Married Later

One of the biggest differences between generations is the timing of marriage.

Marriage is occurring later, and fewer people are marrying overall.

In 1995, about 58% of U.S. adults were married. By the late 2010s, that figure had fallen to about 53%. At the same time, cohabitation increased from 3% to 7%.

Among adults ages 18 to 44, the change is even more striking.

A majority had cohabited at some point, while the share who had ever married had fallen compared with earlier generations.

This creates a fundamentally different relationship landscape.

Previous generations often moved through something closer to:

Dating → engagement → marriage

Today, a person might experience:

Dating → relationship → breakup → dating → cohabitation → breakup → dating → relationship → marriage

There are simply more relationship stages between adolescence and marriage.

That can create the impression that people are breaking up more frequently, even when we're comparing very different relationship structures.

Cohabitation Has Changed the Definition of a Relationship

Cohabitation is particularly important.

Many couples today live together without being married.

Among Americans ages 18 to 44, 59% had ever lived with an unmarried partner compared with 50% who had ever been married, according to Pew's analysis of National Survey of Family Growth data.

This means that relationship dissolution can occur outside marriage in ways that wouldn't appear in divorce statistics.

A couple can:

• Date for several years

• Move in together

• Share expenses

• Adopt a pet

• Build a social life together

• Separate

• And never appear in divorce statistics

So declining divorce rates don't necessarily mean that all forms of romantic relationship dissolution are declining.

They tell us specifically about marriage.

Dating Has Become More "Liquid"

Modern relationships can be easier to enter, and easier to exit.

Technology has dramatically expanded people's ability to meet potential partners.

Dating apps allow someone to encounter hundreds or even thousands of potential matches without leaving home.

That creates opportunities that previous generations simply didn't have.

But greater choice can change how people think about relationships.

When alternatives appear abundant, it can become psychologically easier to think:

"Maybe there's someone better out there."

Instead of:

"How can we improve this relationship?"

This doesn't mean dating apps cause people to have bad relationships.

In fact, research on online dating produces a complicated picture. A 2026 working paper examining U.S. dating markets found different effects depending on whether it examined earlier desktop dating platforms or later mobile apps, underscoring that online dating does not have one simple effect on marriage or divorce.

The important point is that technology has changed the dating environment, even if the consequences are not uniformly positive or negative.

Ghosting Is a Modern Form of Relationship Dissolution

One aspect of modern dating really is different: ghosting.

Ghosting involves suddenly ending communication without explanation.

It is particularly associated with digital dating because texting and dating apps make it possible to disappear without having a difficult face-to-face conversation.

Pew Research Center found that about 29% of U.S. adults reported having experienced ghosting, with younger adults and people currently dating online particularly likely to report it.

Ghosting doesn't necessarily mean people are breaking up more.

It means that some breakups are happening differently.

Instead of:

"I don't think this relationship is working, and I want to end it."

The ending may simply be:

Silence.

That can make modern dating feel particularly unstable.

Why Modern Breakups Can Feel More Frequent

There are several reasons people may perceive more relationship instability today.

1. People date for longer before marrying

There are more years during which people may form and end romantic relationships.

2. People have more relationship choices

Dating apps dramatically increase exposure to potential partners.

3. Cohabitation is more common

More serious relationships exist outside marriage.

4. Marriage is less socially obligatory

Leaving an unhappy relationship is more socially acceptable than it once was.

5. Women have greater economic independence

Women today are substantially more economically independent than previous generations, making remaining in an unhappy relationship less financially necessary.

6. Social norms have changed

Divorce, cohabitation, remaining single, and ending relationships that aren't working are generally more socially accepted than they were historically.

7. We hear about other people's relationships constantly

Social media exposes us to an enormous amount of relationship content.

This can create the impression that everyone is dating, breaking up, getting back together, and starting over constantly.

Ending a Bad Relationship Isn't Necessarily a Sign of Relationship Failure

It's important not to romanticize the past.

Historically, people sometimes remained in relationships because leaving was extremely difficult.

Economic dependence, social stigma, gender roles, religious expectations, and limited alternatives could make separation much more costly.

A relationship lasting 40 years isn't automatically evidence of a healthy relationship.

Longevity and quality are not the same thing.

A society that makes it possible to leave an unhealthy relationship may actually produce more relationship endings while simultaneously producing healthier relationships for the people involved.

That's an important distinction.

Today's Relationships May Have Higher Expectations

Modern romantic relationships are also expected to provide an extraordinary range of benefits.

Many people want their partner to be:

• Romantic

• Sexually compatible

• Emotionally supportive

• Their best friend

• Intellectually compatible

• Financially compatible

• A good co-parent

• Their adventure partner

• Their emotional confidant

• Their source of stability

• Someone who shares their values

Historically, marriage was often much more explicitly tied to economic survival, family formation, and social structure.

Today, relationships are frequently expected to provide love, companionship, personal fulfillment, emotional intimacy, and identity.

Those expectations can create wonderful relationships, but they can also make incompatibility more consequential.

Are People Less Committed Today?

Not necessarily.

But the definition of commitment has changed.

Previous generations may have viewed commitment primarily as:

"We stay together."

Today, commitment may increasingly mean:

"We actively choose each other and invest in the relationship."

That distinction matters.

Someone can remain married for decades while being emotionally disengaged.

Another couple might consciously work on their relationship, decide after years that they are incompatible, and separate respectfully.

The existence of a breakup doesn't tell us whether the relationship was successful.

The Paradox of More Choice

Modern dating provides something previous generations didn't have to the same degree:

choice.

Choice can be liberating.

But too much perceived choice can create its own psychological challenges.

When people believe there are endless alternatives, they may become more likely to:

• Compare partners

• Focus on imperfections

• Wonder whether someone better is available

• Delay commitment

• End relationships prematurely

This is sometimes referred to as the paradox of choice.

More options can increase freedom while simultaneously making satisfaction more difficult.

The "Next Best Option" Problem

Imagine dating someone who is:

Kind.

Attractive.

Successful.

Emotionally available.

Compatible with you.

But not perfect.

If you believe there are thousands of alternatives one swipe away, it can be tempting to interpret normal imperfections as evidence that you should keep looking.

But every human being has limitations.

The question isn't:

"Could I find someone better?"

You probably could.

The more useful question is:

"Is this relationship good enough, and valuable enough, to invest in?"

Relationships Require Tolerance for Imperfection

Long-term relationships inevitably involve disappointment.

Your partner will:

• Annoy you

• Forget things

• Miscommunicate

• Have bad moods

• Disagree with you

• Change over time

And you will do the same.

The goal isn't finding someone who never disappoints you.

It's finding someone whose imperfections are compatible with your own, and building the skills necessary to navigate them.

Why Modern Dating Can Encourage Short-Term Thinking

Digital environments are designed around immediacy.

Swipe.

Match.

Message.

Reply.

Unmatch.

Repeat.

This can subtly encourage people to evaluate relationships using short-term signals:

Is this exciting?

Am I getting enough attention?

Is there chemistry?

Could I find someone more attractive?

But long-term relationships operate on a different timeline.

Some of the most valuable qualities—trust, emotional intimacy, reliability, shared history, and deep understanding—take years to develop.

You can't swipe your way to ten years of shared memories.

The Skills That Make Long-Term Relationships Work

If modern dating makes it easier to leave, one of the best responses isn't simply to stay longer.

It's to become better at evaluating and building relationships.

Important skills include:

Emotional regulation

Learn to manage difficult emotions without immediately acting on them.

Communication

Say what you need clearly rather than expecting your partner to read your mind.

Conflict resolution

Learn how to disagree without attacking each other.

Repair

Know how to reconnect after conflict.

Boundaries

Respect both your own boundaries and your partner's.

Perspective

Don't let one bad day define an entire relationship.

Appreciation

Continue noticing what your partner does well.

Commitment

Understand that every long-term relationship involves choosing the relationship repeatedly.

Don't Stay Just Because Breakups Are Common

There's another important lesson.

Knowing that modern relationships may be easier to end shouldn't mean staying in an unhealthy relationship simply to avoid becoming part of the "breakup culture."

Some relationships should end.

Abuse, chronic dishonesty, severe incompatibility, repeated betrayal, and fundamental differences in life goals shouldn't be ignored simply because you want a relationship to last.

The goal isn't:

"Never break up."

The goal is:

"Choose relationships thoughtfully and treat them well."

So, Are Breakups More Common Today?

The most accurate answer is:

We don't have enough data to say that romantic breakups overall are definitively more common today than in the past.

What we can say is that the structure of relationships has changed dramatically.

Marriage occurs later.

Cohabitation is more common.

More relationships exist outside marriage.

People have greater freedom to leave.

Dating technology has expanded the pool of potential partners.

And digital communication has introduced new ways of beginning and ending relationships—including ghosting.

Meanwhile, one of the clearest measurable forms of relationship dissolution, divorce, has actually declined substantially from its peak around 1980. 

So the idea that people today simply "can't stay together anymore" isn't supported by the available evidence.

The reality is more nuanced.

Relationships haven't necessarily become less durable. They've become different.

The Bigger Question: Are We Better at Choosing Relationships?

Perhaps the more interesting question isn't whether people break up more.

It's whether we're becoming better at choosing relationships that are genuinely healthy and compatible.

Modern relationships offer enormous freedom.

You can choose whether to marry.

Whether to cohabit.

Whether to have children.

Whether to remain single.

Whether to leave an unhappy relationship.

Whether to build a nontraditional family.

That freedom is valuable.

But freedom also requires responsibility.

We have to learn how to distinguish:

Normal relationship difficulty from genuine incompatibility.

Temporary dissatisfaction from chronic unhappiness.

Healthy independence from emotional avoidance.

Healthy standards from unrealistic perfectionism.

Real compatibility from temporary chemistry.

And perhaps most importantly:

A relationship worth working through from a relationship that should end.

The Bottom Line

The modern dating world can certainly feel more disposable.

There are more choices, more technology, more cohabitation, later marriage, and new forms of communication that make it easier to enter, and sometimes exit, relationships.

But the evidence does not support the simple conclusion that people today are universally breaking up more often than previous generations.

In fact, U.S. divorce rates have fallen substantially since their peak around 1980.

What has changed most dramatically is the relationship landscape itself.

We date differently.

We meet differently.

We communicate differently.

We define commitment differently.

And we have considerably more freedom to decide what kind of relationship and life we want.

The challenge of modern relationships isn't necessarily learning how to stay together at all costs.

It's learning how to choose wisely, communicate effectively, tolerate normal imperfection, invest deeply, and recognize when a relationship is truly healthy and worth preserving.

At La Jolla Vitality Co., we believe relationship health is an important part of overall well-being. In a world where relationships can feel increasingly fast-moving and disposable, building lasting connection requires intentionality: choosing partners carefully, developing emotional skills, and understanding that a healthy long-term relationship isn't something you simply find—it is something two people continually build.